So yeah, I lied at the end of my last journal. I’m a month behind on this entry.

Anyways, I guess I have a lot of updating to do now. That last entry was at the beginning of school… I just graduated 3 days ago.

Speaking of graduating

I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, ya know? I was eager to get out of there as quickly as possible. I’ll miss the school and the people but the ceremony just seemed to drag for me. But I don’t like events anyway. Weddings, parties, graduations, award ceremonies… I don’t enjoy them too much. Not to be insensitive or anything, it’s just that I didn’t feel as much as I thought I would. But now that school has finally ended and it’s settled in my gut I kinda miss school. Mainly, because I won’t have anywhere to go for the next four months… I don’t go to Pittsburgh for college until October 5th and even that isn’t completely in stone because my Moms hasn’t (or won’t call the guy to finalize the financial aid).

I didn't get much, just cards and two Best Buy gift cards that equaled $50 which now is about $8 now and some pretty table flowers sent to me from family in Jersey. My God mother says I'll get my gift from her at the end of the week but my dad and my half-sister left after the pictures were taken. I don't know if he'll get me anything special... All I asked for were anatomy books for drawings...I didn't even get those :C

Let's talk about my Art

I have 10 real life drawings I need to do over the summer for my portfolio. 5 animal drawings and 5 of real human figures. I should have been doing them during school but… I didn’t want too. They’re due by the end of July – but Mr. Ferrell (The Director of Admissions guy) says that if I need more time he’ll give it to me. Now, my problem is that I suck terribly at real life drawings. Hell, sometimes I feel my fantasy drawings are bad… Like really bad.

Yeah, I’m kind of in a confidence slump right now. Ferrell says that if my drawings aren’t as good he’ll have to put me in the Graphic design class for more lessons but he wants me in the class I signed up for without delay, which is the Media Arts and Animation. When I think about it, my skills are very mediocre, low class amateur actually and I feel like not even trying the drawings and just let him put me that class… But then it would probably cost more money for the extra class. I don’t want to hassle anyone because money is already tight around my house as it is and I don’t like turning to my dad for money help because then he feels like I only look to him for that.

I’m kinda stuck, I guess. I’ve been writing a lot of poetry, but even that creative flow fails. I’ll probably submit the ones I wrote during school on here later. But yeah, drawing doesn’t do my confidence well. Sometimes, I get inspired when I look through dA but when I think about doing it… I scare myself out of it. I only have half of one drawing done and it’s alright because it’s an animal – I worry about the human drawings.

So lets talk about school.

Yeah, my grades all year have been fluctuating. I’ve been grounded twice I think, had a mental breakdown where I cried for days on random and faked being sick so I wouldn’t have to endure the hard look from teachers I might have disappointed.

That terrible English class? I got a D on the first quarter, but after that I managed high C’s. I swear he is the hardest teacher I’ve ever had and never fought so hard for a C in my life. But, I kind of respect him, ya’know? Like, I feel the class really helped my writing skills and the ability to really look into the things I read. I kinda wish there were more hard teachers like him. I probably would have gotten a B as my final grade if I turned in the fucking Quarterly outside reading essay. It’s terribly ironic… The other three quarters I would pick my book late, only read 3 or 6 chapters and bullshit the paper and get like a low D. But this one; I read all the way through, liked it, knew the characters, plot, theme, symbols, irony, everything! And didn’t write the paper… >:C

I hate myself sometimes.

Art class. I love my teacher but I’m so lazy in her class I bullshit drawings just to get the grade and make her stop pestering me. For two months she told me to draw one of my college drawings and everyday she would ask and I would say "No, Ms. N…" Sometimes, I felt bad for disappointing her. But I had other grades to worry about, which is probably no excuse seeing as I could have been doing it at home instead of dicking around on the computer. Even when my internet was gone I did nothing. I had an F in art class for the first time in my life. But I laughed because it was funny too… Going to art school but getting an F in class??? Hilarious…

I have her for Art History too. My lazy streak almost messed up that class too. But I did everything in time to get a B.

My final grades were:
AP Literature and Comp: C
Advanced Art: B
Poets Workshop: B
AP Art History: B
Intercultural Cuisine: A
AP European History: B
Algebra II: B

With a yummy GPA of 3.4

Could have gotten something nice if that C wasn't there, though.

Let's talk about my love life.

There is none.

My Boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me two days after Valentines Day. The terrible thing? Valentines Day we were great.

The last month of so before the break up we were having a tad bit of trouble in the communication department. Because of school, stress and a little issue I had with him for most of our relationship I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, including him. For about 4 days we didn’t really talk, I didn’t call him and when he called our conversations didn’t last long. Because of that, he had been shimmering in that and believed I was trying to tell him I didn’t care about him… And with some help from his older brother he suspected I was talking to another guy as well. We ended up arguing one night and then we attempted to try and bring things to normal again. First time was a bust but on V-day we hung out until 1 in the morning at my Grandma’s, we connected. But day after next we decided to hang out and suddenly, we couldn’t really stand each other.

I was stuck with him for a whole extra hour because he locked his keys in the car and had to call someone to bring his extra key. Yeah, we defiantly didn’t talk much during that time.

On the way home, we told me he couldn’t take it anymore. I cried, but I was sorta numb too. He suggested we be friends, and eventually I agreed. Well, what the hell kind of friend doesn’t even talk to you? Eventually, I stopped trying to be friendly and gave up on calling him and what not and deleted his Myspace… Which initiated a complaint from him…

*manly voice* "Why don’t you call anymore?"

Because you don’t seem to care whether I do or not! You NEVER call me, but when I don’t it burns him. So after chatting a little, I re-added him and gave the friend thing another chance. But, I found it strange to do that because we hadn’t talked in a while and then randomly calling up someone, anyone for that matter after awhile just feels funny to me. I was contemplating if I really should try it again… It didn’t feel right.

The night of graduation, it’s the graduation party for all the schools.

He’s there. He graduated last year. Another girl is with him.

I’m terribly angry and upset, though I’m polite to his face. I want them both to leave. It blew my entire night and probably my friends’ too… I have never felt so angry in my entire life. It was the worse feeling the world. I think I was jealous too, I don’t know. But I wanted people to die. Earlier that day, I had sent him a message asking for an congrats for graduating. The day after he congrats me and tells me I acted weird…

I told him I didn't like him at the party and then basically told him its best if we don’t talk anymore… oh and to keep his congrats. :/ I burned all bridges.

I don’t know if it's immature, or whatever – it just felt nice not being connected to him in anyway. I’m protecting myself, I think what I did was right. I feel better, that's all that matters, right? And he healed pretty nice if managed to find a new girl so quickly after me >:C I’m still friends with his cousins and stuff and he lives 15 mins. away from me but I think everything will be fine.

When I get to Pittsburgh, I’ll have my pickings :33

Let’s talk about College

Since not everything is set I’m not feeling too excited. But when I think about going away (though only 5 hours up North) I realized I won’t know anyone… It’ll be like coming into high school all over again, expect everyone will range from my age to the age of my parents… I wonder about my living conditions and who might be my roommates. I get along with new people pretty well, but I have this thought in my mind that at least two of them will be asshats.

They will either be terribly loud, annoying, slutty, touchy, too weird, or bitchy.

Fights. Will. Happen. I will lay the smack down like I do on =GreenDaysFinest

Everything I did to her was all practice until someone crosses the line.

I kind of wonder about the classes, ya know? I’m not sure what too really expect; I know a lot of drawing classes are happening and some computer programs gotta be learned but that’s all I know.

Let’s talk about my three current obsessions

-Net Guns
-The Human Abstract
-HURT

Net Guns
I LOVE watching Rob & Big on MTV now and after watching the Poop in the Pool episode I really want a Net Gun. It looks utterly AMAZING. Rob makes it look so great.

Check it out, you’ll want one too: [link]

How can you deny the utter awesome of the net gun?!?!?

The Human Abstract
So, me and =GreenDaysFinest saw our first live concert some months ago when we went to see Dir en Gray and the Human Abstract opened for them. I fell in love completely and bought their album the next day. I shared it with Greenday and they’re still great. For her birthday I bought her their first album, Nocturne and it sounds a lot different from Midheaven, but I warmed up pretty nice and kinda like it more then Midheaven.

They're just so great it makes your heart wanna stop. I found the video to my favorite song on the album and it makes me all excited when they get excited I just die.

Check it out and join the cult: [link]

HURT
I adore HURT- I am in love with J. Loren Wince’s voice. Its sexy, rough, it’s like an angel’s. And all his songs are just beautiful whether he’s angry and screaming or whispering love. We found out what he looks like and though he is not want we imagined, me and Greenday are NOT disappointed.
I bought their new album, Goodbye to the Machine, and the very first song on it “Got Jealous” sang my exact emotions on that night of the dreaded Ex.


I would make out with J. Loren… Maybe Nathan Ells from THA too... But not as long.

Other Stuff

Oh! I won $500 dollars from a short story writing contest! :33 Its defiantly shopping money… I’ll post the story so ya’ll can see it sometime. I honestly didn’t think it was THAT good; I just wanted to try my hand at it. But I ended up beating the girl everyone THOUGHT would win because she apparently writes a lot too.

My ego balloon is sky high now

Now I just gotta do those drawings…

Anyways, it was nice getting that all out there. Maybe I’ll cut back on the months and put up another journal earlier.

~DP, like-yeah.